Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage….am I the only one who struggles with this? When I see any success (such as a loss on the scale), I tend to sabotage MYSELF. It’s not a conscious decision that I make, but through my journey, it’s one of the things that I’ve noticed about myself. For the last 3 days, I have been engaging in some major self-sabotage. I think that in creating this page, feeling the support AND the accountability, and seeing a decent loss at my weigh-in Monday night…I am feeling some “success” or some hope for getting through this plateau and working my way to my goal weight. With that, comes self-sabotage in my case. I’ve decided that in some twisted, weird way, I am afraid of succeeding. That makes no sense, right? Why would any sane person be afraid of reaching their goals? Because it is the unknown. I don’t remember what it feels like to be thin. Even when I was thin, I thought I was fat. Being a role model is a new “unknown”. Am I going to let everyone on this page down if I backslide and gain weight, or if I don’t reach that goal number on the scale? Will I be a hypocrite? I’ve been very open all along about the fact that this page is about me being honest, real, and yes…vulnerable. A scary place for me to be. But through all of the challenges and struggles that I continue to have with my weight, it’s so important to me to share what I am learning with others. And from what I am hearing from fans of this page, people can relate. That is what this is all about. So understand that I do not EVER profess to know everything that there is to know about weight loss or being healthy. I’m learning as I go, and my hope is that we can all learn together.