My Story

I started gaining weight when I left home for college and was free to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20. All that I wanted to do was be a wife and mother, so when we started trying to have a family, and instead were faced with infertility issues, I ate my way through the pain. After 3 ½ years of trying, we were finally blessed with a beautiful baby boy! His toddler years were when I noticed that something was different about him. He was busier than most, but I was told by doctors that he was fine. After another 3 ½ years of trying to get pregnant, we were excited to learn that we were expecting again. It was when I was 7 months pregnant with our second that we found out that our oldest had Aspergers Syndrome (a form of high functioning autism) and severe ADHD. Our lives changed at that point. My dreams of the “perfect life” and the “perfect family” were gone. I grieved for a long time over the loss of those dreams. Some days I still grieve. My life is good, and I know that now, but at that point 7 years ago, I felt like I was being swallowed up by a dark cloud and I didn’t know how to be happy. I was depressed and got on medication to help with that. I also ate to comfort myself. My life was out of my control and I self-medicated with food. It made me feel momentarily gratified and comforted. With the diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD when he was in kindergarten, I found myself becoming my son’s advocate. School was a nightmare and I had to educate his school and teachers on what Aspergers is and fight to get him the help and accommodations that he needed to succeed in school. We had about 4 school years that were absolutely brutal…for both of us. My parenting was called into question more than once. Little did they know that I was beating myself up inside enough for all of us! I, as an individual, was so lost. When my second son was 9 months old, I did something that I never thought I’d do. I went out and got a job. I only worked 2 nights a week, for 4 hours a night at a bookstore, but it was getting me out of the house and doing something I enjoyed. I was beginning to learn at that point that I needed to figure out who I was, and find my identity. This helped some as I dealt with all of the school and behavioral issues with my son. I was starting to find myself.
Fast forward to 3 1/2 years ago…I decided that I was sick of being fat, lost, and depressed. I had gained a whopping HUNDRED pounds since I got married 13 years before. A hundred…that is another small person! I decided that I was tired of being the fat one in every group, worrying that if I sat in a chair it might break, not knowing if the airplane or amusement park ride seat belt would go around me, and hating every photo I saw of myself. On a whim, I decided to join Weight Watchers, which I had done a few times, years before. I found a meeting that very night and again, my life changed. I focused all of my attention on learning how to eat healthier and be more active. The weight started coming off and I saw myself succeeding at something that I thought I would never be capable of conquering…my weight. As I started losing weight, I started getting compliments from everyone on how great I looked and I was able to buy cute new clothes. Soon, I didn’t have to worry about fitting into a seat belt or breaking chairs and I started liking what I saw in the mirror and in photos. To date I have lost over 100 pounds. The weight is coming off slower now, but I am determined to meet my goals! Probably the greatest part of this journey has been finding ME!! As I gained back my confidence, I found a new freedom. I have learned that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind out to do! I started out a few years ago, not being able to walk down the block without my shins hurting or feeling out of breath. Now I work out at the gym at least 4-5 times a week. I have also re-discovered a love for volleyball. I am proud to say that I completed a half marathon last fall. One of the most exciting things though, is that I recently went skydiving. I am terrified of heights and never in a million years thought that I would jump out of a plane voluntarily, but I did it and I am thrilled! I later went zip-lining in Alaska. I have learned to push past the fear and tackle it head on and that I will come out a stronger and more confident person in the end! The best part is that, even though I am still not at my weight loss goal, I LOVE who I am now, and I see in myself what my Father in Heaven has seen all along.