Wasa up?

I spread one wedge of Laughing Cow cheese on 2 Wasa flatbread slices (thanks for telling me about these, Natalie Plummer!) and then topped them with a pouch of sweet and savory tuna. 5 PPV for those on WW, 195 calories, 20 g of protein and delicious!

 

Strong enough...

Motivation is...

The vicious cycle...

So, I've been putting off writing this post. Like most people, I hate to look bad and feel weak. But a big part of the reason that I created this blog and the accompanying facebook page was for the accountability. The other reason was to hopefully help other people by sharing the things I am learning on my journey. Sometimes those lessons come easily and sometimes they come through trials and struggles. I have shared here that it is so important to me to be real and honest here and to not sugar-coat things. I refuse to be one of those weigh loss blogs or pages that make it seem like losing weight is easy and that there are no struggles, weight gains, or setbacks. So here it is...the past few weeks, I have really been struggling with my eating. I've had some really hard days related to my son's Aspergers and my boys' ADHD. And while that's not an excuse, I've been binging on crap and not caring...at the moment. Then, when that immediate gratification wears off, the self-loathing kicks in. So then what do we do to make ourselves feel better? We eat! And the vicious cycle continues. Can anyone relate? This cycle has been my problem. I have felt weak and unworthy to post as Healthy Hot Mama, not wanting to be "fake" or feel like I'm being held to a higher standard. I have never claimed to know it all. Like everyone else, I have good days and bad days. The goal is to have more good than bad.
I learned from a book that my mother-in-law wrote, that there are 2 types of motivation...logical and emotional. I might know by looking at the numbers that I SHOULD lose another 30 pounds or so, but that's logical, not emotionally driven. It is finding that emotionally driven "thing" that will push me toward accomplishing my goals. I'm still working on finding that. I've had 2 doctors now tell me that I am probably at my body's "set point" and that since my cardiovascular health is great and my numbers (cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.) are as well, that I am fine where I am. I've had others in the health field suggest that I should keep going forward with my weight loss, as my weight, BMI and body fat percentage aren't where they should ideally be. I have gotten too comfortable with where I am. I don't have to worry about a lot of the things that I did when I was 100 pounds heavier. BUT...I also know that I can't stop where I am right now because of the fact that my relationship with food is not where it needs to be. The cycle I talked about before has to stop. I need to get a handle on the emotional eating and I think a lot of that will be in changing the way I look at and feel about myself. I need to convince myself that I deserve to meet my goals and that I am worth it. Reprogramming our self-image is not an easy thing.
 So bear with me as I work on getting my head back in the game and try to find the motivation to move forward. I thank you for not judging me and for understanding that this is a vulnerable place to be, but that I know that together we can help each other realize our true potential.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to the man who has, literally, loved me through thick and ummm..."not-so-thick". It is a blessing that I do not take for granted to have the unconditional love and support of this amazing man.
My wish for all of you, my friends, is that you have someone in your life who loves you and supports you, no matter what. Maybe it is a spouse, a friend, a parent, or a child. Above all, we need to love ourselves! Happy Valentines Day to all of you!

 

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

I took a 6 hour class yesterday on "Overcoming Self-Sabotage". It was very well done and I learned  a lot about the signs of self-sabotage and some tools for overcoming it. The biggest thing that I sabotage myself on is, of course, my weight loss. As I've shared, I'm a very emotional eater, so when I'm stressed I immediately go for food. I can stand in front of the fridge, know what I'm doing and that I'll regret it later, and dig in anyway. In talking to the presenter after the class, she asked me if I feel that I'm worth it (meeting my goals). I said that I think I do. She looked me in the eye and said, "Do you really?". That hit me hard. We also discussed that I may be afraid of success. She also asked me why I want to keep going with my weight loss and reach that "goal number". I hate that question because I really don't have a great answer, and I think that's a big part of why I have mostly maintained for awhile. I don't remember ever being thin. Even when I was, I thought I was fat. I have no comprehension or memory to draw on of me being thin.  It is an "unknown" which can be scary...even if you know it will most likely be a positive thing. It comes down to re-programming our minds that we are worth it and that  we can do it. Now to put what I've learned into action. I have goals waiting to be met....

Guest post...

I'm so excited! I was asked to do a guest post on a friend and fellow WW member's blog. Lindsay was in my meetings back when I was a WW newbie. She had lost 130 pounds and had reached "lifetime" (when you reach your goal weight and maintain... it for 6 straight weeks you reach this status). I, at the time, had about that much to lose, and as you can imagine, was quite overwhelmed. To see someone that had done it and was maintaining it was hugely inspiring to me. Thanks, Lindsay, for your inspiration and for sharing my story. Check out her amazing blog here:
http://lindsayww.blogspot.com/2014/02/guest-post-jamie-who-lost-over-100.html