The vicious cycle...

So, I've been putting off writing this post. Like most people, I hate to look bad and feel weak. But a big part of the reason that I created this blog and the accompanying facebook page was for the accountability. The other reason was to hopefully help other people by sharing the things I am learning on my journey. Sometimes those lessons come easily and sometimes they come through trials and struggles. I have shared here that it is so important to me to be real and honest here and to not sugar-coat things. I refuse to be one of those weigh loss blogs or pages that make it seem like losing weight is easy and that there are no struggles, weight gains, or setbacks. So here it is...the past few weeks, I have really been struggling with my eating. I've had some really hard days related to my son's Aspergers and my boys' ADHD. And while that's not an excuse, I've been binging on crap and not caring...at the moment. Then, when that immediate gratification wears off, the self-loathing kicks in. So then what do we do to make ourselves feel better? We eat! And the vicious cycle continues. Can anyone relate? This cycle has been my problem. I have felt weak and unworthy to post as Healthy Hot Mama, not wanting to be "fake" or feel like I'm being held to a higher standard. I have never claimed to know it all. Like everyone else, I have good days and bad days. The goal is to have more good than bad.
I learned from a book that my mother-in-law wrote, that there are 2 types of motivation...logical and emotional. I might know by looking at the numbers that I SHOULD lose another 30 pounds or so, but that's logical, not emotionally driven. It is finding that emotionally driven "thing" that will push me toward accomplishing my goals. I'm still working on finding that. I've had 2 doctors now tell me that I am probably at my body's "set point" and that since my cardiovascular health is great and my numbers (cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.) are as well, that I am fine where I am. I've had others in the health field suggest that I should keep going forward with my weight loss, as my weight, BMI and body fat percentage aren't where they should ideally be. I have gotten too comfortable with where I am. I don't have to worry about a lot of the things that I did when I was 100 pounds heavier. BUT...I also know that I can't stop where I am right now because of the fact that my relationship with food is not where it needs to be. The cycle I talked about before has to stop. I need to get a handle on the emotional eating and I think a lot of that will be in changing the way I look at and feel about myself. I need to convince myself that I deserve to meet my goals and that I am worth it. Reprogramming our self-image is not an easy thing.
 So bear with me as I work on getting my head back in the game and try to find the motivation to move forward. I thank you for not judging me and for understanding that this is a vulnerable place to be, but that I know that together we can help each other realize our true potential.