Mexico and a fresh start....

Wow...it's been a while! And I have a lot to share. As I wrote about before, I have struggled a LOT with my weight in the last year, and gained a good portion of what I'd lost, back. I had sworn that I would never let that happen, but it did. Emotionally, it has been devastating. I tried hypnosis last summer, an addiction recovery program, and I've tried various weight loss plans and programs, but haven't been able to get my head in the game and stop the weight gain. I am so tired of obsessing about food and of the control that it has over me. It is a true ADDICTION! And one that I need serious help with. 

 I haven't posted because I have frankly felt like a hypocrite, and not so much a "Healthy Hot Mama". However, I have slowly grown to realize that I am by no means the only person sharing their weight loss journey online who has gained weight back. This is all part of my journey. You guys know that it has always been important to me to be real and open and honest on this page, so here goes....

After much research and prayer, I have decided to have gastric sleeve surgery (VSG) done next month and I will be having it done in Mexico. I know that may sound crazy to some...surgery in Mexico, but again, I have done major research on this. I also have a dear friend who recently had the same procedure done there with the same doctor and has been very successful. 

Now, I know to some, weight loss surgery may seem like the "easy way out" and I'll admit that I used to think that to an extent. However, I can promise you that it is not going to be easy. Weight loss surgery (WLS) is not a cure for obesity, but rather a tool. Basically, with VSG, 80% of my stomach will be removed, leaving me with a "sleeve" with a much smaller capacity. This will physically limit the amount of food that I can eat. VSG does not affect the absorption of food, like a bypass could. Also, the majority of the hormone "grehlin" is created in the part of the stomach which is removed, so that helps with hunger issues. I could go on and on about this, but it just want to assure everyone that I understand what I am doing, and that I would love everyone's support. I only ask that you do not share horror stories with me or try to talk me out of my decision. Your support would be so appreciated! I am not ashamed to be having weight loss surgery and want to hopefully help educate others about it throughout my experience and this page. I plan on posting pics and my progress here throughout this journey. Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm an open book...lol! Thank you all for your continued support! Hugs!!

Guest post...

I'm so excited! I was asked to do a guest post on a friend and fellow WW member's blog. Lindsay was in my meetings back when I was a WW newbie. She had lost 130 pounds and had reached "lifetime" (when you reach your goal weight and maintain... it for 6 straight weeks you reach this status). I, at the time, had about that much to lose, and as you can imagine, was quite overwhelmed. To see someone that had done it and was maintaining it was hugely inspiring to me. Thanks, Lindsay, for your inspiration and for sharing my story. Check out her amazing blog here:
http://lindsayww.blogspot.com/2014/02/guest-post-jamie-who-lost-over-100.html

Getting active...

I was just looking back through some old pics and came across these. One was taken in Sept. 2010 after I had lost my first 50 lbs. My goal had been to walk a 5k. My sis, Becki, came and did the local Run for Autism with me. The other pic is... from Sept. 2013, when I was down 100 lbs, and we completed our first HALF MARATHON together! Did I believe in 2010 that I'd do a half in my lifetime? Ummm, no!My point is that we all start somewhere. Just take that first step. The next day go a little further or do a little more. Before you know it, you'll realize that the sky is the limit and you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to do!

 

My Story

Here's my story in a nutshell...
I started gaining weight when I left home for college and was free to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20. All that I wanted to do was be a wife and mother, so when we started trying to have a family, and instead were faced with infertility issues, I ate my way through the pain. After 3 ½ years of trying, we were... finally blessed with a beautiful baby boy! His toddler years were when I noticed that something was different about him. He was busier than most, but I was told by doctors that he was fine. After another 3 ½ years of trying to get pregnant, we were excited to learn that we were expecting again. It was when I was 7 months pregnant with our second that we found out that our oldest had Aspergers Syndrome (a form of high functioning autism) and severe ADHD. Our lives changed at that point. My dreams of the “perfect life” and the “perfect family” were gone. I grieved for a long time over the loss of those dreams. Some days I still grieve. My life is good, and I know that now, but at that point 7 years ago, I felt like I was being swallowed up by a dark cloud and I didn’t know how to be happy. I was depressed and got on medication to help with that. I also ate to comfort myself. My life was out of my control and I self-medicated with food. It made me feel momentarily gratified and comforted. With the diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD when he was in kindergarten, I found myself becoming my son’s advocate. School was a nightmare and I had to educate his school and teachers on what Aspergers is and fight to get him the help and accommodations that he needed to succeed in school. We had about 4 school years that were absolutely brutal…for both of us. My parenting was called into question more than once. Little did they know that I was beating myself up inside enough for all of us! I, as an individual, was so lost. When my second son was 9 months old, I did something that I never thought I’d do. I went out and got a job. I only worked 2 nights a week, for 4 hours a night at a bookstore, but it was getting me out of the house and doing something I enjoyed. I was beginning to learn at that point that I needed to figure out who I was, and find my identity. This helped some as I dealt with all of the school and behavioral issues with my son. I was starting to find myself.
Fast forward to 3 1/2 years ago…I decided that I was sick of being fat, lost, and depressed. I had gained a whopping HUNDRED pounds since I got married 13 years before. A hundred…that is another small person! I decided that I was tired of being the fat one in every group, worrying that if I sat in a chair it might break, not knowing if the airplane or amusement park ride seat belt would go around me, and hating every photo I saw of myself. On a whim, I decided to join Weight Watchers, which I had done a few times, years before. I found a meeting that very night and again, my life changed. I focused all of my attention on learning how to eat healthier and be more active. The weight started coming off and I saw myself succeeding at something that I thought I would never be capable of conquering…my weight. As I started losing weight, I started getting compliments from everyone on how great I looked and I was able to buy cute new clothes. Soon, I didn’t have to worry about fitting into a seat belt or breaking chairs and I started liking what I saw in the mirror and in photos. To date I have lost over 100 pounds. The weight is coming off slower now, but I am determined to meet my goals! Probably the greatest part of this journey has been finding ME!! As I gained back my confidence, I found a new freedom. I have learned that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind out to do! I started out a few years ago, not being able to walk down the block without my shins hurting or feeling out of breath. Now I work out at the gym at least 4-5 times a week. I have also re-discovered a love for volleyball. I am proud to say that I completed a half marathon last fall. One of the most exciting things though, is that I recently went skydiving. I am terrified of heights and never in a million years thought that I would jump out of a plane voluntarily, but I did it and I am thrilled! I later went zip-lining in Alaska. I have learned to push past the fear and tackle it head on and that I will come out a stronger and more confident person in the end! The best part is that, even though I am still not at my weight loss goal, I LOVE who I am now, and I see in myself what my Father in Heaven has seen all along.